Every other single mom seems to be making it work. Why can’t I? Why do I let what their dad does effect me? I should be used to him not coming to see them. Making months pass by like they don’t matter. I should be used to this. Right? Yet, I still get emotional that he’s not being a father. That he knew they would be off this week and didn’t think to take a few hours out of his time to see them but had the time to plan a trip out of state. Why can’t I just let it go?
I used to be one of those women who would join in the negative talk about their “baby daddy” He hardly sees his kids, he doesn’t work, he got a new little girl friend, he’s a loser, he’s in jail again. Not all those would be true about mine but I certainly would entertain the conversations. Then I thought, where has this bashing gotten me or anyone else for that matter. What is the point? Does this make these guys better father’s? Worse? Anything different ? The simple answer is no. So I vowed to not say negative things again and if I began to just simply say I don’t feel like talking about him. I made a list of all the things that I liked about him and the things I would like for him to posses. Responsible, kind, giving, respectful, makes kids his priority, spends time with kids, reliable, honest, caring, loving. Those are the main things that I would love.
My daughter has an upset stomach. So I’ve been doing laundry and wiping the place down in case it’s contagious. I’m thinking that it’s not but the place needs to be cleansed anyway. I was also going to change the bedsheets tomorrow anyway so I just got a early start. She seems to be feeling much better now. Here playing on her iPad and in a much better mood. She even says her stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. She usually sleeps by her grandparents’ on Saturday night but I’ll keep her home with me for the night. Her big sister keeps begging her to come over since she’s already over their house. But she doesn’t feel up to it.
I’m determined to find a career that the pay doesn’t matter. Yet, I would still be making a good amount to live my ideal lifestyle. I want to travel, go to spas on the regular, eat at 5 star restaurant. I want a second home that I can run to when the winters get unbearable. I desire to help others also live the best quality life.
I think the best thing to do right now is volunteer at a youth center and speak them. I have a lot I would like to teach them. Help them not to make the same mistakes I did. Let them know that they are enough that they can achieve great grades if they change their self image. I used to feel like I was dumb. Didn’t have many people tell me otherwise. I wasn’t encoraged and made to feel like I could accomplish my goals in life. If I help even just 1 person, I would know that I made a difference and that alone would make me feel complete. A lot of young people don’t have loved ones in their corner. Either because the adults don’t know how to help or they simply don’t care enough to try. I want to be that guidance that is required to help them succeed in the future.
I hope everyone enjoyed \enjoying their day. I don’t celebrate it that much but I’ll eat the chocolate covered strawberries and donuts that the girls got from family and school.
I’ve been attending webinars and also committed to a 28 day change your career class. I’m hoping that after these lessons I have a clearer understanding of my journey. I’m feeling positive and this just that I’ll know what I should be doing with my life in a few weeks.