This is very sad and at the same time comforting. Seems strange but at least now I can make some kind of sense to why he is the way he is. At this point all I can do is seek help for ptsd. Wish me luck.
Things are looking up yet they’re still the same. I’m still in the same spot I was in months ago. I need help.
It’s been years since I gave birth to my girls. Yet I feel like I may still be suffering from ppd. Is it possible to still have ppd over 5 years after giving birth?
I hardly watch the news because it makes me feel so many emotions within minutes. I’ll see bad things happen then I’ll think of my family and how depressed I would be if something happened to them. I feel the same emotions as others who are suffering. My friend would tell me about her sickness and I would instantly get a sad feeling. So many people vent to me about their everyday problems. But who will listen when I want to get a few things off my chest? I’m always feeling tired or have stomach cramps. I keep having thoughts of helping those that are hurt from physical and emotional pain. But what’s going to happen when everyone comes to me to solve their issues? Will I get depressed ? Those questions remain but I can imagine myself being seen as a goddess. People praising me for getting them through their issues. Saying thank you and giving me hugs. Right after helping others I would need some time for myself. Past boyfriends never understood how one min I would love to be around them then moments later have to block them out. I’m not moody just get overwhelmed easily.
Every other single mom seems to be making it work. Why can’t I? Why do I let what their dad does effect me? I should be used to him not coming to see them. Making months pass by like they don’t matter. I should be used to this. Right? Yet, I still get emotional that he’s not being a father. That he knew they would be off this week and didn’t think to take a few hours out of his time to see them but had the time to plan a trip out of state. Why can’t I just let it go?
I used to be one of those women who would join in the negative talk about their “baby daddy” He hardly sees his kids, he doesn’t work, he got a new little girl friend, he’s a loser, he’s in jail again. Not all those would be true about mine but I certainly would entertain the conversations. Then I thought, where has this bashing gotten me or anyone else for that matter. What is the point? Does this make these guys better father’s? Worse? Anything different ? The simple answer is no. So I vowed to not say negative things again and if I began to just simply say I don’t feel like talking about him. I made a list of all the things that I liked about him and the things I would like for him to posses. Responsible, kind, giving, respectful, makes kids his priority, spends time with kids, reliable, honest, caring, loving. Those are the main things that I would love.
My daughter has an upset stomach. So I’ve been doing laundry and wiping the place down in case it’s contagious. I’m thinking that it’s not but the place needs to be cleansed anyway. I was also going to change the bedsheets tomorrow anyway so I just got a early start. She seems to be feeling much better now. Here playing on her iPad and in a much better mood. She even says her stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. She usually sleeps by her grandparents’ on Saturday night but I’ll keep her home with me for the night. Her big sister keeps begging her to come over since she’s already over their house. But she doesn’t feel up to it.